| And one day, we'll all look back and long to return to these "stressful" times and we'll wish we cherished these moments more. If nothing else, I want to be remembered by how much heart I put into every moment. Today, AiR show was far from perfect. In fact many things this semester in school, in Perspectives, in friendships, relationships, finances, health, have been far from perfect. In the moment, during those imperfect times, I often encounter feelings of disappointment, or sadness, or frustration, or unfairness and injustice. But I am always reminded: this is not real disappointment, not real sadness, real frustration, or real unfairness, this is not real injustice. In the course of this past year, there have been people around me who have actually experienced those things, the Ghanaian child whose back was covered with open wounds and scars from parents' beatings, Berkeley friends whose parents have fallen ill or passed away, those who have had hearts broken, those who are recovering from natural disaster or undergoing revolutionary wars overseas... and I remember how blessed I am, my 'problems' are really not so bad but I still get so caught up in them, even when I know I should put more heart into what I do and how I live. People inspire me though, their resilience, their creativity, their kindness and thoughtfulness, especially when it's something surprising that you didn't expect or don't see often from them. There were many unfortunate things about tonight's show for example, but for heaven's sake, I was just given the privilege of singing (something I love) with people I care about (AiR), to a substantial audience of people I care about and also care about me (my friends)! What the heck!? How can I remain upset when I see things in that light, how can I not be optimistic, how can I not thank my lucky stars, feel blessed, be rejuvenated despite stress and lack of sleep? It is because of comparisons, relative expectations, and relative disappointments. But what is great about the relative is that it is dependent on the mind. And mindset is much more of a choice than it is an attribute. Often times I see that my mood and energy is reflective of those who are around me, I am easily dragged down, I often let other individual's mindsets dictate what my mindset is comfortable with. But the heart is stronger than the mind and I'm learning that it takes a level, peaceful, loving and wise heart to maintain a realistic, yet enthusiastic and contagiously inspiring optimism, and it takes that kind of heart to develop a compassionate but not dependent heart for others. For now, conditions are imperfect, and necessarily so, but it doesn't really matter because those conditions cannot touch my heart, which I choose to follow. And so the beat goes on... |
